The Russian Apartment

To set the mood for what you may feel upon approaching the building, I have asked Victor Pelevin to share some thoughts:

The wide boulevard and the houses standing along both its sides were like the lower jaw of an old Bolshevik who, late in life, has arrived at democratic views. The oldest houses were from the Stalinist period—they towered up like wisdom teeth coated with the brown tarnish produced by many years of exposure to coarse shag tobacco. For all their monumental quality they seemed dead and brittle, as though the nerves in them had long ago been killed off by arsenic fillings. The sites where the buildings of former years had been destroyed now bore the crudely protruding prostheses of eight-story apartment blocks. In short, it was a gloomy spectacle. The only bright spot against this background of gloom was a business center built by the Turks, its pyramidal form and neon glitter transforming it into the likeness of some immense gold fang covered in drops of fresh blood. Up in the sky the full moon blazed brightly like a dentist’s lamp poised on its extending arm to throw all of its light into the patient’s mouth.

The Tarzan Swing
Victor Pelevin

Oh, well, Victor kind of got carried away there, didn't he? Let's just walk up the stairs and not get in that elevator. Ah, here is our door. Welcome, welcome to my home! Come inside, please...No, really, Victor is just a fiction author. He has no idea what he's talking about.


Please, hang your coat on the coat rack here, and be sure to remove your shoes as they are covered in snow.


The first room to your left here is the room I share with my roommate, Emily.


Oh, I know! It's so tiny! There are about six inches between our beds, but the room is quite tall, which helps.


Don't you just love our view? I actually really do because of the brick and stone facades, the old windows, and collection of wires and chimneys that somehow attract magpies. One time, we woke up and saw an old man standing on the roof there, shoveling snow. He hovered right over the edge with ease.


Let's check out the rest of the apartment! We have a little couch here in our hall/living room. The next room to the left is a large room with a television, where Alexandra and Liz sleep. I don't know where they are right. Hopefully, they will be home soon. You will really like them.


Please, take note of the closet here. Jorge usually sleeps in here as it is the most private room in the house. I have spent an afternoon in the dark, quiet, isolated luxury that is the "cave," as we call it. It's also a guest room. Would you like to stay the night?


We have a lovely bathroom. The water temperature is difficult to control, but the room itself is rather warm.


Here is the highlight of our apartment: the beautiful kitchen!!


I know, we do have a lot of modern appliances! I feel very lucky. Here, sit down at our table. Have some cookies. I'll make you a cup of tea.